Zero Visibility
by Thekuroshitsujilover
Summary: 'He did try to stop crashing the buttons, but if the horrid noise seizes he will feel more invisible. Justice doesn't give a home for three. That's when he realized he should stop giving too much fuck.' Matt ponders...


**Author's note: I personally like Matt's character, and this is my take an why he doesn't really care about anything and his own feelings about L. It is also because it's quite relatable in my life, and so I needed to get this out of my mind. Hope you enjoy :)**

In plain Summer days, the orphanage rises in a huge uproar and morning classes are dismissed. The children will be pacing in and out of their rooms and the yard is left abandoned. You would see the desperation and panic in their eyes whenever this occasion comes around. When the elders plaster their lovable masks and the kids in an unusual proper etiquette and clothing, when no cunts run around chasing rats or Mello banging doors. It's a peaceful day that everyone loves to be part of and savor together with their idol.

L.

He will be coming soon, and the expensive car driven by Watari will pull over within the sight of Matt and Mello's room. When a familiar, screeching sound of a black Mercedes reached their room, the brunette could tell that the blonde is probably at the front porch seat with his arms spread wide in a warm welcome, while Near will just be there standing behind him with the worn-out, stuffed bunny L had given him since he arrived here. ( he's actually pretty excited )

Matt didn't spare a glance at the commotion, and continued pushing through the buttons of a video game and screaming a couple of obscenities now and then. He didn't even bother fixing his filthy stature and bed hair, because it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Whatever he does, no matter how many millions of securities he have hacked ever since he was seven, it doesn't make a difference. ( it doesn't change anything )

Sometimes he wondered why he is even brought here. It may be out of pity or some zealous patriotism. But then someone took his hand in the midst of a cold night drenched in the scent of blood, and pulled him closer. He felt warmth, and his small arms crumpled the loose shirt of a mysterious man. The morning after, the man brought him to an institution, and told him everything about it. Given the fact that he is intelligent, he became the first in line of succession. But right after three months, and temperamental an immature kid waltzed in Whammy's like a diva. ( but he's cool )

Their bond ended there. ( was there even one? )

This bastard got him as a henchmen, puppy dog and best pal. He can't help but feel irritated about his whims and continuos diet of chocolate, but he got used to it. ( even the said bastard got used to him playing games 24/7 )His feelings didn't matter - the jealousy and the longing - it isn't significant. The real boastful and proud new kid has gained his spot in L's eyes, and the older diabetic seems pretty happy about it. ( pale face didn't even bother to wonder why Matt isn't there?) The raven stopped calling him and meeting him in secret sessions, the raven forgets a lot of things about him including what he likes, which is the taste of nicotine. His presence is no longer needed, and he quite knew from the start that he's just a tool. None of those can hurt him. (That's what he thought)

But the promise L made with him when he was a child stabbed him.

_'Where are we going?'_

_'To your new home.'_

Justice didn't give him a home.

He gave him a goal to strive for, he provided him every information and knowledge that can probably exist in this world, and trained him for his future.

It's not home. (It's a cage )

There's no warmth but the heat of competition, and the man he believed will be ready to support him at least like a friend sure filled everyday with his absence. L had tingled a light in his heart that night, and sent a flicker of hope to an innocent child.

He's empty still. ( why is he so numb?)

Matt watched the two best successors cling on their predecessor, laughing and hopping around the yard. They'll stop for a moment to look at the flowers, insisted by Near, or when Mello decides to catch a dragonfly. ( They didn't smile so much before ) The rivalry is tamed for awhile and both are connected deeply by one person. After, when exhaustion kicks in, they'll sit on the white chairs and share a tea that L himself picked out for them to experience. Mello will be too excited and spill all of his thoughts and secrets and Near will blush and smile occasionally. ( And Matt thought he's special hearing those the night before ) L listens gleefully in contentment as he watches them communicate indirectly in an abnormal manner. ( he's too normal )It's their routine, and Matt wished he could get all jealous and intervene in their small family, however, he chose to stop clinging like his life depended on him. He won't be a baby that asks for attention. (But he's really immature...

always want to be held tightly. )

He did try his best to stop crushing the buttons, and glance at them behind the tints of the sepia goggles. But if the horrid noise seizes, he'll feel more invisible than he already is. There's no room for third; there's no care reserved for him to remember. He knew his fate waits for him in the end of the finish line, where he'll meet either Near or Mello, and he'll just watch them play with porcelain dolls and he'll be a joker that sings along. ( just like the old man ) Though, even a kid like him wishes a moment of childhood, just like what L gave Mello and Near. He gave them gifts and sweet hugs, and neither noticed the gamer anymore. (He only received one gift from L: rejection ) He owes his goggles big time, because without it, the reflections in his eyes might just make those tears stream. ( no, he never cried. Ever. )If only he could speak his mind to the blonde without nagging him, he will remind the genius that nothing in this world can be equal. Even if religion says so, in the eyes of many and the goddamn society, they've never seen anything as equal. ( can't you see what's happening, Mello?) That's how humans are, and perfect and talented human beings are no exception. ( that's what's being done to me )

If only he could tell Mello his stupid grins doesn't have a meaning. ( hey Mello, you know what? )

_"It's fine. . ."_

Matt crashed the keys of the computer and burned his eyes in the radiating heat, not really caring about any sort of title and a man that's been staring at him with lonely eyes from the outside. ( but has he said even a single

'_are you alright?' _

)


End file.
